An Apostate speaks out!

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Hello,
My name's Joshua. It's not my real name, but it's the name I want for myself. I am a 20 year old Pakistani citizen, born in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. I study Business at a university in Dubai, UAE--the country of my permanent residence. I am an ex-Muslim--I secretly converted to Christianity almost 3 years ago in Pakistan, without the knowledge or consent of my family.


By necessity, I am still living a life of secrecy. Only a few trusted people (all non-relatives) know about my spiritual epiphany and conversion. Belonging to a strong religious Muslim (Syed) family, I would face a quick death at their hands if they even so much as suspected what I have in fact done. If my secret ever slips out, I can be taken back to Pakistan and murdered. Fear is ever-present in my life.


As any normal human being, this is not what I want. I want to live my life to the fullest--to be able to speak my mind freely, to be able to worship freely, and be able to read my Holy Book without any fear that someone will catch me. I want to be able to go to the church every Sunday without having to keep looking over my shoulder. Since I started studying Christianity five years ago, I have been to the church only four times.


Before my conversion, all I wanted to do was hate infidels (non-Muslims), kill Jews, and die as a martyr for Islam. But since my conversion to the real religion of peace, Christianity, I have become a completely different person. I have not only been living my life in fear. I also live in hope, hope for the best, hope for my future, and for the world's future. I have come to know how beautiful this life can be. I know there is light and there is hope.


I have read much about America and have communicated with many Americans. I have learned from this great country and its people the real meaning of the word freedom. It is a beautiful country with extraordinary values, and it indeed represents to me the last best hope for humanity. And that's something I want to be a part of--to realize freedom and live it. In this region of darkness, the Middle East, and the Islamic world, the only beacon of light is America.


When I moved to Dubai in 2005, my family and others told me that Dubai was a free and liberal society. I thought I would be able to live my life freely and without fear. But my hopes and dreams for a free life in this place were shattered the day I landed here. Spies are everywhere in Dubai. It is tyranny, a land of fear and hatred, and a place that no freedom-loving soul would want to stay in.


My future belongs to me and no one else. I cannot and will not accept the future that awaits me if I stay here, which is this: eventually, my folks find out about my conversion, and they will forcibly send me back to Pakistan for a trial, found guilty of converting out of Islam, and then I will be executed. If I stay here there's nothing I can do that can change that.


To be honest, my goal of living in freedom seems right now like an impossibility. I am merely surviving here right now in Dubai, and I don't know how long I'm going to be able to hold up like this. I want out, I want an escape from this place, so badly, I can taste it. I want to start living my life instead of just merely existing.


I will keep on trying to attain my freedom for as long as I have breath in my lungs. I can't do it alone though, and for that I need help--to attain my freedom, and to retain my right to life. I am not sure how exactly to escape, but I know that I must, and for that, I will need the help of others. Eventually, if my message of help reaches the right person, I am sure I can find someone or several someones who can help me attain my dream.


If you think you can help me, please email me at Joshua(dot)huntsford(at)gmail(dot)com. Thank you and God bless.

Cross-posted over at IBLOGA